Over It//Page 3


page 30 of 365

Here's the last part of the Introduction to my book...

While I was Mrs. Jekel at home, at school, I was definitely Mr. Hyde. Like a man, I fought. I fought for things that were of no importance to anyone but me. If someone gave me the coldest look I would initiate a fight. My excuse when asked, “I’m from the ghetto! This is how we react.” Like many others, my behaviors, my acts, my attitudes had all been related to where I lay my head. I believed that nothing I could do would change the fact that I was from a poverty stricken part of town.

The worst part of my innocent childhood was growing up knowing that you could gratify an older man’s sexual desires. The men in my mother’s life all had one thing in common; they were all "in-the-closet pedophiles." They used their manpower to touch, grope, caress and eventually destroy my self esteem. I could not understand why our Latino parents would forbid girls to play with the opposite sex or to even be around when men were in the room, yet they mentioned nothing when the men would stroll in the little girl’s rooms. Most of the time, it was conceived as a good thing. This ideology that the man is always right is dominant among Latinos and it proved completely true for years to come for my darling mother. I blame 75% of my downfalls and my self – esteem issues on this fact.

I had no goals or ambitions. My dreaded question of every school year was “What would you like to be when you grow up?” What difference did that make? If I ended up in a looney bin, what good was a college degree in psychiatry? I couldn’t diagnose myself. I was under a lot of pressure at home as well. I came from a well-educated family. My mom plastering her college degrees all over our small four walls, as it grew excruciating worse to realize that I wanted no part in what “higher learning” had to offer. My mother an accountant, my father a doctor; had accomplished so much. They weren’t from the “ghetto.” They didn’t see what I saw or experienced what I had to experience. What was worse was that they expected so much from me when I didn’t. They had my career goals all mapped out as an architect would his first home. “You should be a lawyer or a doctor,” “Why don’t you become an accountant like your mother?” They weren’t content with just anything. NO!!! They wanted me in a white-collar job, picket fences, a house on the hill, a marriage and two kids; a boy named Michael and a girl named Cynthia. I still cringe at the thought. My brother graduated from high school at the tender age of 16, but had not attended college right away. He wanted to be one of the great illustrators out there. Maybe make it “BIG” with Disney. I felt I had to measure up to all this. I wanted to do what was opposite from everyone else. In my defiant nature, I wanted to make everyone in my household suffer.

I started out my first year of high school with fantastic grades in all subjects. Things were looking up for me. I befriended a guy on my second day in class and eventually became best buds. However, it was short-lived. Soon after, things started to take a turn for the worse. I was involved in physical altercations almost daily; the basketball team was improving and Coach refused to lose me as their only female player on an all male basketball team; I cut class on a daily basis and since I worked for the guidance counselor in the same office as the attendance office, I ripped the hated “white postcards” that were sent home informing your parents that you were not in school on that particular day. Wasn’t I lucky? Until that point, school meant very little for me. My best bud had turned into the biggest crush I had ever realized and jealousy set in from every possible direction. Things changed when I entered the 12th grade. I finally woke up and smelled the burning toast and realized I had to do something for me. The anger that I had felt all throughout my school years finally began to wade.

In order to comprehend my unconventional thoughts, I must start you at the beginning of the map where my journey unfolds.

Hope you enjoyed it! Give me some feedback...



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